Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Love is a Choice - a Hard Choice


"Mom, I don't like my sister very much, do I have to love her?" ~D-man 

Loving your sister is tough, especially when you are 7 and she is a moody 11 year old girl, but love is a choice. When you really think about it, siblings are the first people we have a love/hate relationship with.  They are our first
Love does not behave rudely??  :-) 
playmates, our first soul mates, our first secret keepers, and the first people we learn to get mad at.  

Love is a hot topic in our household, seems we discuss the importance of it often - usually just after we have had some sort of a "Come to Jesus" meeting.  

Love is not easy, it is a choice. Many folks just don't understand that - they think you are going to have that star crashing, world turning, you can't breathe moment when you fall in love - Thanks Hollywood!  

In reality it is just not that easy, in fact loving someone is hard, it test you every moment of the day!    


“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”  ‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬ 


I have probably heard these verses a half a million times at weddings - while we all shake our head and nod yes, do we really think about what these words mean? 

Love is Hard? Why?

Love does not envy - Envy is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions..... 

Envy is probably one the easiest emotions to feel and display - how many times have we thought "oh that person is just lucky" - yep, that's envy right there.  Instead of being proud of a person's accomplishments we are jealous that they have succeeded or what they have been blessed with.  

Love does not parade; is not puffed up - displaying our love is not showing off our love - love is something you do even if nobody is looking, when you can't post it on social media, when the person does not love you back, or even know that you love them.  

I am gonna get personal and probably make dozens of folks mad, but I also have failed at this - when you brag about how much you love someone, who are you trying to prove your love to?   Love does not need proved, the person, the world, or yourself should not need to be reminded every 5 minutes that you are in a relationship or in love with someone- unless you happen to change relationships weekly. 

Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own - for years I thought this only meant that if someone loved you they would not hurt you - well that is only part of what this means. 

Behave rudely, think of every rude behavior that you witnessed or committed today, every foul thing you say, every time you rolled your eyes, every time you thought an evil thought - those actions are not from love - those actions can really damage your relationship.  Love is kind, love is gentle.  

Love is not provoked; thinks no evil - I use to think that this meant if you love someone you won't argue or want to argue with them - however, as I think about this and read a bit more I think about what the word provoked means. Provoked also means to stir up, arouse, or call forth feelings,desires, or activity.  

This now takes on a whole new meaning - love or the love God intended for us does not call for us to "provoke" or request things of others.  

Can we say 50 shades of being Provoked? This is simply dangerous; rather we are the one being provoked or we are the one doing the provoking.  Many many years ago I remember someone saying "if you love me you will do this for me" Ummmm!  That is not love, that is evil.  

In the past fifteen years of me being of sound mind; I have watched relationships come and go - my own and others.   I have seen the trickery and provoking play out many many times over.  Here is one thing that I will say - if you have to change who you are, do things that you do not do, or pretend to like something to make that person love you - than your love and their love is not real.  

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truthIniquity means a violation of right or duty; wicked act;sin.

Love does not rejoice in violation of right or duty - so lovers and spouses; it is not your right to punish the person you love, you should rethink taking away their "rights" as your spouse. 

I remember sitting at lunch with a young woman that was newly married, listening to her spat about how awful her new husband was and then she said "I will just punish him, I will take his bedroom rights away"   I do believe my jaw may have hit the table; as I thought that was a dumb plan and she was only asking for trouble.  

When you love someone you do not plot wickedness against them - you should be able to discuss things openly, fix the issues, and move on.  Word of advice ladies; withholding sex from your husband is a bad idea - while sex seems so taboo - it is actually a gift from God to those who are married.   

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails - Loving someone is an action, something you choose to do, so someone who really loves can love someone through every storm. 

Readjust your reading glasses, I did just say every storm.  As many of you have read before; I am the big old divorced word - so how can I say that you can love through every storm.  There are many different types of love; there is the love you feel for your family, love you feel for your friends, love you feel for your significant other, and there should be love you feel for everyone else in the world - including those who have wronged you.  

Learning to love the unlovable is a challenge, every day you question yourself "are you crazy for having hope for this person?"  Here is the deal, we should never wish ill on no one - including someone that has wronged us.  Love those exes that have hurt you, pray for them daily, and remember that while they may not be right for you they are of this world.  


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