Monday, February 3, 2014

My goal to Co-Parent, not be the ENEMY

I have learned a lot of lessons over the past two years and this past week, I learned the most important one.

I discovered I was making an enemy out of my own daughter, she was becoming my enemy, her dad's enemy, and her dad's girlfriends enemy.

Every other Sunday I would pick Lesse up from her dad and she would unload the good, the bad, and the made up.....

Lesse knew Momma's weak point, my weak point is my children.  She knew how to  keep me stirred up about her weekend visits to her dad. 

After a long discussion with their dad, and my own collision with what being the evil step mom feels like, I decided to face this like a REAL MOM.

I don't want my daughter turning me against her dad, his girlfriend, or anyone else.  I know we have a loooong road ahead of us, and we are only at the tip of when drama starts.

First I sat down and talked to Lesse, I asked her why she felt the need to come home and tell me all the bad things, but never the good things.  Lesse's reply "Mom, you don't like her, you have her blocked on Facebook, so why should I like her or tell you I like her?"

Lesse was right, Momma had blocked the girlfriend, why?  I didn't want her knowing any of my life...even though I have NOTHING to hide.  Deep inside I wanted her to feel like she was the clueless one, the one that didn't know how to care for my kids, the one that couldn't know what it was like to be a mom......well that was silly.  Fact is she is caring for my kids every other weekend and I was not helping her one bit!

Next I unblocked the girlfriend and sent her a long message, explaining my point of view and what I thought would work to prevent more problems.  I then sent Lesse's dad a text telling him what I was up to and hoping this would fix future problems.   

This past weekend, I received the benefit of being on speaking terms with the girlfriend....She took Lesse to get her hair cut (with my blessing) and I received a picture in my inbox.  This was the BEST gift ever....Lesse was happy, she could show me she was happy, and I started to build that bridge to co-parenting.

I know that I may never be "best" friend with the girlfriend, honestly that is probably more me than her.  However, I do think she will be in my kid's lives for a long time, so why should I make life hard on her?
She is not the reason their dad and I are not together, she has not harmed my children or I, and I believe she will be a good role model in their life.

I feel it is my duty as their mother to help her grow in her new role, help her know how to care for my kids, and help my kids learn to respect and love her.  If I am hiding our lives from her those things are not possible!

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