Thursday, December 12, 2013

I did not plan to be a Mom, but God planned it for me.

This past week during a spin of negativity this comment was left anonymously on my blog.
My kids & I biking. photo credit to Videogize

Marc, very well said. Sounds like someone is insecure in her own skin, life, mind.... if u saw pictures of dirty children, bathrooms, and dishes you would be writing a blog about how you shouldn't have to see that. You seem like the type of person who is never happy... I have for the most part liked your blogs/post until this point where I think I may have to bow out.You call yourself the Missouri Mom but in a facebook post u said you really didn't like children, that is something that really stuck with me and makes sense now. I hope your "friend" didn't take offense to your post because she is probably better off without your opinion :)

To the person aimed that comment to hurt me, and make me look like an unfit mother.  
Not wanting to be a mom, and admitting you don't really like children, and then stepping up to be a mom is not only an amazing accomplishment, but a huge blessing. I will also say both of my children know that mommy did not always want to be a mom, but I think they see mommy's change of heart. 

To the rest that are confused about the situation, I will explain. 

I only knew Lesse and D's dad for about 6 weeks when I found out that I was expecting Lesse.  This
Lesse exploring her artistic side.
was hugely irresponsible on my part.  I sat in his bathroom floor for hours crying my heart out, because I then thought my life was ruined. 

I come from a Christian family and as I bragged so many times I am a Daddy's girl, how was I to ever tell my parents I was going to have a baby out of wedlock.  

I hid my pregnancy for a few months, not letting anyone but a few find out that I was "indisposed". When it finally came out there was pressure from all sides with four options.  

1. Abortion - yes people suggested abortion to me.  I could not stand the thought of killing my unborn child.  The thought of never knowing what she may have looked like, smelled like, sounded like, and felt like.....that was gut wrenching to me.  I judge no one that has done this, but I could not do it. 

2. Adoption - Some people, the ones that thought about how irresponsible I had been suggested adopting out my child.  I could not bear the thought of knowing she was alive, but not in my home.  I honestly still struggle with this when they visit their dad.  I do applaud women who do this, but it is not for me, I am far too selfish. 

3. Rush into a marriage - So no one would know that she was conceived before marriage.  I was not ready for that, I had just came out of another difficult relationship, and did not trust anyone.  I refused. 

4. Just have the baby - Figure it out one day at a time.  That is what I did.  Their dad and I did get married 8 weeks after Lesse was born and was married for almost 10 years.   


It took me four years after Lesse was born to decide to have D-man.  This was not about not wanting to sacrifice myself this was about the fact I have 5 siblings and I wanted to be the mom that devoted my time to my children.  Big families mean a lot of sacrifices, not saying they are bad sacrifices, just wanting something different for my children.  24 hours after D-man was born I was carted off to surgery and made sure I would not have anymore children, do I regret that?  Sometimes, but not all the time.  

I am happy about my decision to have my children, I love them dearly, I also love dearly the 2 new children, yet much old than babies that have been added to my life. 
D-man showing his loving side to my Dad's puppy. 

I will say being a mom is a struggle, a huge struggle.  There are days, especially now that I want to sit down and just cry.   

There are days that are so rewarding that my cup just over flows with joy, and I pray daily for more days like that.  

Do I overly love children?  No not really, and as many know my kids talk much like adults, I strive for them to be knowledgeable, well mannered (we are struggling with that now that we deal with split houses), and very independent.  

Lesse is in 4th grade and she reads at a 7th grade level and can have a very adult conversation. 

D-man does not read as well, but he is very quick with his responses and has a very grown up attitude about life.   

Do I like other people's children, ask my nephews, my nieces, my friend's kids....I love each and every one of them.  However, I love them even more when we play all day and then they go home to their mom's and dad's. 

Am I perfect parent, well no.  However, in my defense I would like to say I applaud myself daily for not taking the first 2 choices, and learning the blessing of being a MOM.  


5 comments:

  1. Very touching. You're such a great mom. Just do not listen to what other people think. You're raising you're children right from what I understand. They sound like good children. I'd be very blessed fo have amom like you!

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  2. I love children! I want more of my own :) But I do struggle loving other people's children. I have been very open on FB out it as well. Other people raise their kids different then me. I do not appreciate rude, unkind and selfish children and more or less if your child is that way, I am shallow and make the judgement that you (people in general that is) must be that way as well. I, like you, take kids in small strides and if they are in my home I treat them like mine, therefore I will disciple them like mine as well. Everyone in our neighborhood has this as common knowledge and we all work together to raise our kids right. I, as well love my nieces and nephews but there are times that I have to walk away because I do not like their behavior. Once again great post!

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  3. That comment was not meant to hurt you. It was meant to make you think about what you were doing to your "friend". You were trying to make her feel bad for playing with her kids, making crafts with them, playing with them on a snowy day, taking pictures of them! Post a picture with the article saying that her husband must not give her attention that's why she's doing this, and call her an attention who're..... how dare you! There r some children who have no parents, whose parents are alcoholics/drug addicts, those "parents" don't do anything with their children, yell at them, beat them.... your snowy day, bored rant is your opinion that you are rightfully entitled to, but I couldn't help but feel so terribly heartbroken for this poor girl who you made a mockery of. Publicly ridiculed her, told her her life was a lie and she should live your life....you are absolutely entitled to your opinion, I am also very opinionated. But it sounds like I made you feel a little of how you made her feel. .....doesn't feel very good does it. I really hope you gave her the apology she deserves and will think before you write the next time your bored. Because words, even typed, cut like a knife

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    1. You apparently did not read my article very closely. If you would have you would have seen that I LIKED the photos of people playing with their kids. I am pretty sure you are just out vengeance....and enjoy it.

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    2. I think YOU need to re-read your own article....absolutely no vengeance here, I don't even know u.

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