Today was one of the proudest parent moments in my life (only one - because this only involved
|Lesse being Baptized|
Now I said two - a little over a year ago, I admitted here on my blog that God has been speaking to me. Through this you all have watched me grow, you have watched me turn my life completely back to God, and you watched God bring Trey into our lives. All GOOD GOOD things.....
BUT, there was still something missing, there was this void, this unknowing, this feeling that something was not right. I knew I was living right, but I didn't feel equal to or as confident as other christians.
A little over a year ago I was having a conversation on the phone with a former schoolmate - that person was talking about baptism and how important it was. I was baptized, I remember standing on the stage of New Bethel Church and having the water sprinkled over my head by the Pastor - so I blew off his conversation and went on my way.
Months led on and baptism came up again - this time from Trey. The sharp tongue kind of person I am, told him whats what and went on my merry way. Trey never pushed the issue again, but God did.
Again few months later there was this burning sensation in the bottom of my stomach - there was the pain from the past creeping up - there was remembering of what I have been through and what I had survived.
I told myself that my past was not that bad, I never did drugs or anything really bad so what's the big deal.
By society's standards my past 20 years has been almost normal - a little partying, a baby born out of wedlock, a broken marriage, unmarried sex, and a couple of bad words here and there - in fact when talking to friends about what I survived - I sounded like one of the lucky ones.
However, deep inside I hurt like someone had punched me so hard that I completely stopped breathing. I would lay in bed at night and have flashbacks of those horrible brokenhearted nights - the memories of my world falling apart, the nights I sat curled up in my daughter's closet holding my sweet daughter crying out for God to have mercy on me - even though My life was full of sin. I would walk through the store and see someone that knew my story or part of my story and feel their eyes looking through my soul. I was in PAIN - the pain that only God could take away.
Then one Sunday morning I arrived at church unprepared - UNPREPARED what God was getting ready to throw at me.
Our Pastor stood on the stage looked straight at me and said something about we are going to talk facts today......I may have squirmed, I may have moved a bit in my chair, but no matter what I did I was drawn in.
His message was all about being baptized - there was no escaping now - I was here to listen.
Follow this link and listen to the 5/15/16 Sermon titled Salvation.
I sat there, absorbed, absorbed, and went home KNOWING what had to be done!I fought all night that night with the idea that "I was baptized, but I was sprinkled" - then there was this small little lingering that I was sprinkled not immersed in the water - not to mention all the crazy things that I had done over the past 20 years.
The next day.....I messaged our Pastor and told him this:
So this is kind of embarrassing but something that's been eating at me for a while - yesterday was kind of a pushing point. I may have told you in our marriage counseling - I was baptized as a child, and only vaguely remember it. I know I was sprinkled and always thought that was okay, but now I don't think so..I also know that over the past 20 years, I was always a believer but not a follower....
So I am curious about getting re-baptized?
Days later - I walked myself down into the baptismal pool and made my declaration and was immersed into the water.
While I have heard people come up shouting - I came up feeling peace. Peace that the past is gone, I buried the last 20 years, and know that God is in control of my life - and I work for him.