Mom, can I ask you a question????
Strolling through the grocery store last week my dear Lesse had a burning question for momma, a question that I never thought would come out of her mouth.....
"Mom, are you having sex with that guy you are dating?"
For most this is a very private question - it is not a question that I normally want to hear from my 12 year old daughter's mouth - however, she asked so I was obligated to answer.
"No Lesse, while Mom has not always made the right decisions in the past, I decided that I am waiting for marriage to have sex"
I made a vow to myself this past summer - my past will not write my future - yes I have had sex outside of marriage, but I also know the consequences all too well.
Lesse stood there for a minute and replied
"Good Mom, I think that is best"
and went on then went on to chat about her day.
By now everyone knows that I read the Bible....I read it a lot. I have dropped my smutty romance novels and picked up my leather bound Bible. I keep myself challenged with this handy dandy little app on my phone - The Bible App.
I discovered The Bible App has these amazing little "plans" that help you get deeper in the Word of God and brings the Bible to life for you - something I needed to understand my life better.
Before I even started "dating" I begin this 40 day challenge called "Sexodus" Relationship Challenge - not really intending to get involved with anyone at that time - I felt a burning need to learn more about why relationships fail.
What I learned: Relationships often fail because sex comes before marriage.
Sex is a gift from God - yes, gifted it to us to enjoy as married folks, but why only married folks???? I have questioned that for years - why is it so taboo to have sex before you say I do?
I use to think there was a bright flowing light that would shine down on a bride that was "truly pure" but I never saw that light - so I was confused. I then learned that waiting for sex was less about being "pure" for your spouse and more about decreasing the "problems" in your newly developed relationship.
SEX brings DRAMA
That intimate little thing that we know feels so good (or people wouldn't want to do it) - can turn your life into a train wreck.
Here is the deal, having sex with your partner too early is like pouring a bag of MnM's on the coffee table and telling a 6 year old they can only have one - the temptation becomes too strong and they just can't handle it - they eat every MnM and then they proceed to lick the table clean.
Like the 6 year old who will have a belly ache from too much candy and sore throat from the germs they licked off the table - once you have sex early in a relationship you have to deal with the consequences of having it too soon. The relationship can and most likely will become about sex - it is hard to stop having sex once you have experienced it - how do you truly get to know someone if all you do is spend time together in the bedroom.
Martin Luther said this about sexual desires, “You can’t stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair.”
The best way to stop these desires from "nesting" is to not open that door to temptation. Yes as humans we are going to feel temptation, but like the 6 year old with MnM's we are going to feel it more once we tasted it.
So if you want a true relationship - the kind of relationship God promises us - put sex on the back burner. Make your newly developed relationship about "getting to know" that person - the way God intended us to.