Saturday, June 1, 2013

Rules of Being a Redneck Girl

There is a lot of glitz and glam in being a Redneck Girl, Country Girl, Farm Girl, and Cowgirl - I
mean come on we are the coolest breed of women.  

However, there is more to being "countrified" than owning blue jeans and a pair of boots.   Being countrified or redneckified  is not something you adapt to over night - it is in your blood.  You are born into it, you breathe the culture, and you wear it with pride.  

Rules of Being a Redneck Girl 

1.  Be Tractor Savvy - more than just test driving the tractor at the local fair - you must know how drive a tractor - like in an actual hay-field or barn lot - with actual equipment behind it.  

2.  Know how to operate a Manual Transmission Automobile - A redneck girl's daddy didn't let her learn to drive with an automatic - he made her drive the old farm truck to town - the one that backfired as you took off on the hill in the wrong gear. 

3.  Gathered food from the woods - country people can survive - and they eat what mother nature provides.  Rather you hunt, pick wild berries, gather walnuts in the fall - you must have harvested some sort of "wild" food.  

4.  You have Scooped Chicken Poop - If you are gonna own the boots and claim the title then you have to get those boots dirty - just sayin!   Chicken Poop is a great fertilizer - and farmers know that - to be a farm girl you must have had to scoop chicken poo at least once. 

5.  Your first, second, or third date had to include a gun in one way or another.  Rather it be hunting, shooting skeets, or your daddy greeting your date at the front door with his shot gun - a gun had to be included.  

6.  Deer Season is a national holiday-   Sweetheart rednecks eat meat - and deer season is often more celebrated than Christmas Day. 

7.  You MUST own a pair of MUD boots - Those fancy cowgirl boots that cost more than most rednecks first car will do nothing for you when you fixing a fence in the middle of the creek.  Mud Boots are proper attire for a real redneck.  

8.  You know how to fry chicken and bake biscuits (from scratch) - We "country" people like some good eat'n and that includes a 5 course meal of fried foods with a little bit of carbs on the side. 

9.  Creek Fishing is real fishing - We don't need no man made stocked lake to catch our dinner - sun perch are real good fried up with some eggs.   

10.  You have dated your brother's best friend - You don't have to worry about your brother running off your boyfriend if they are best friends.  

11.  All the people at local feed store know you by name - Redneck girls hang out at the best of places like the local feed store - where she happens to be picking up cattle feed - for the farm she actually lives on.

12.  You have received shot gun shell, or rifle bullets as gift - Country girls are not picky - we do not need fancy rings, expensive perfume, or such non-sense like that - a box of 22 shells go a long ways when we are squirrel hunting.  

13.  The words "Tan your Hide"  does not mean were are going to lay in a tanning bed.  If your parents used this word on you as a child - then you are redneckified. 

14.  Someone in your family own livestock or grows crops - how can you be a farm girl or cowgirl if there is no farming or ranching involved?  Just Sayn' 

15.  Livestock Auctions have been your weekend entertainment - double points if you can auctioneer! 

16.  Used Livestock for an Transportation or Lawn Service - desperate times call for desperate measures.  Cows make great lawnmowers - Mules, when not being stubborn can be used to haul many things.  

16.  You know what time of day the Rooster actually crows - I will give you a hint - it is not always at sunrise! 

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