Thursday, June 18, 2020

Zero Self-Confidence

If I told you I had zero self-confidence you would probably call me a liar.

For years I spent a good portion of my time making sure I had enough retweets, comments, and brand marketing to hold my status on social media – this was not fake, this was part of my job.  During that time I also declared that one day we would need therapy of some sort to deal with social media
addictions and the unsettling emotional affects (drama) that social media brings.  As I scroll through my newsfeed today, I can tell you that “need” for therapy is well past and we have major problems amplified by social media.

In 2012 I hit my lowest point ever – many know, some can assume.   In 2013, I went back on my “promise” to never move home and loaded my Dad’s truck with all my personal belongings and moved home to live in my parent’s basement.  I totally marketed this period of time as “my choice” but in reality it was the only place I had left to go.   Between 2012 and the end 2014 we could say it was a growing period, I would like to say it was the crash of what happens when you discover “you are just not that important to those you are trying to please.”  In 2015, I realized I was hugely important to my heavenly father and instead of trying to please man and woman, I started trying to please him.

It is 2020, I have zero self-confidence, but I have 100% God Confidence.  I am not brought here to please every man, woman, or child.  It does not matter if you read my post or scroll past and ignore me.  It does not matter the number of likes on my post.  It does not matter if I have dinner with president or dinner with the homeless man while sitting on the curb of the McDonalds.  Those things are just not that important.

It does matter that I am living and doing God’s Work – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year.  It matters so much that when I devote every moment of my day to God’s work I don’t notice how unequal I am to the world around me.  When I am so dug down in studying God’s word and doing his work, I don’t notice my gray hairs, my extra pounds, my unpainted toe nails, and my mismatched clothes.  I do notice that feeling that I am important, I am loved, and I can accomplish great things.

Give up on Self Confidence.  Desire God’s Confidence.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  Galatians‬ ‭1:10‬

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