Do not let me rest..I beg of you!

Tonight I make a confession (not the first time), I have not been writing much lately...I am at a loss for words.  Loss - not writers block.  

I have had no motivation to talk about travel, I have been barely functioning through my college classes, and even some of my Facebook post have been a struggle.

My heart has been torn, I am weak - not just sick, I am unfocused - not just

daydreaming, I am confused, and I am tired.

I have prayed, searched, read spoke, and attempted to chat with others - sometimes they just don't get it, sometimes I think they believe I am silly, sometimes they just blow me off. 

Recently I was talking to Bi-polar - schizophrenic woman (I only knew this because she told me) - she had lost her baby, was scared, confused, alone - did you hear that ALONE.

I know what alone feels like - it is that moment that no one wants you, likes you, cares rather you live or die.  Alone is when you are not living with Christ......

My heartaches - my head pounds - I have cried out dear lord "why do these people not know you"

I have realized I am spoiled, very spoiled! I drive a nice car, live in a nice house, tuck my kids into bed most nights, go to bed with a full belly, sleep with peace that my doors are locked - my house is warm - and there will be fresh coffee in the morning, I have friends to whine to about my problems, I can text my husband all hours of the day! I am a BRAT......a spoiled undeserving brat!

I have came to terms with this stirring in my heart - I am not content with just "being me" I am not "serving to my highest potential" I must do more.  I must tell more, I must meet more, love more, give more...

If I know you, if I have met you, if I have spoke to you, if I have passed you on the road, if you are reading this.....I want to see you in heaven.  I want you to be a child of God.

I know God will not let me rest if I am idle in my duty - so this is it.  If I am not showing up at your BBQ, event, shopping center, if I miss your message/text/tweet - it is because that is not where I need to be.  

There are people in my town, maybe on my street - that don't know God!  This is not good, they need to know, they need to not be alone, they need to be loved.  I have prayed that God puts these people in my path - give me someone or 20 someones to show love to daily, to share grace with, and offer wisdom to.